When You Hear Hemp, Do you Think “Rope” or “Dope”?

A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet – or would it?

I’ve written before about how important choosing the right name is for your business, well here’s another example of how powerful the right name can be.

I made a visit to the health food store the other day.  As I was there, picking up my assortment of herbal remedies to bolster my immune system against the ravages of time and turmoil, the store owner came bounding up to me to share their newest product discovery : Hemp Bagels.

Right now, you’re probably imagining brownies laced with dried herbs of questionable medicinal value- at least, I know that’s what raced through MY mind as the tiny woman gleefully bounded towards the refrigerated section to share her latest discovery.   Why else would she be so excited?

In case you didn’t know, hemp – which has certain “medicinal” properties when dried –  was grown extensively back in WWII to make an extremely durable rope.

Allow me to share with you this ugly secret – when you think of hemp bagels – think of rope – not dope!

Trust me when I tell you that hemp bagels barely qualify as a food product.  However, with 19 grams of protein and 11 grams of fiber, hemp bagels are a really HEALTHY way to start the day.  At more than $1.00 a piece, they’re also one of the most EXPENSIVE breakfast foods on the planet!

Hemp seeds are highly nutritious, and contain beneficial omega fatty acids, amino acids, and minerals.  Trust me – they may possibly be the seed version of the fountain of youth but I haven’t figured out if they really will make my live longer or if it will just SEEM like life is dragging endlessly on – a parade of day after day of rope-like bagels.

I would consider hemp bagels as an essential part of the “if it tastes good – spit it out” school of diet and nutrition.   Yet they are selling by the CASE LOADS out of this tiny little health food store.

As I look back over the whole sales pitch, I never remember once any mention of hemp bagels being a tasty treat.  Nope – the entire sales pitch was on how healthy they are for me.

Knowing WHY people are buying is important.  I don’t know WHY I thought that hemp bagels would be as tasty as “healthy” high fiber Pop-Tarts – because I know that the “healthy” high fiber Pop Tarts are NOT healthy.  It’s entirely possible that hemp bagels are the secret to long life, thin thighs and limitless energy.  They certainly taste like they are.

I think naming them “Hemp” bagels was a genius naming move.   Visions of smoke filled rooms with music from the 60’s playing filled my head instead of the more appropriate image of a bagle which shares many qualities with virtually indestructible rope.

This is why it’s ESSENTIAL to know WHY your customers are buying your product or service.  Despite the fact that they’re expensive AND taste like rope, people are buying those suckers like they’re going out of style.

“They’re SOOO good for you” – I should have known that was the nutritional equivalent of “He’s got a GREAT personality!”  I don’t know if I can bring myself to buy more – even though my pants are noticably looser as a result of adding them to my daily diet.   Let’s face facts, when you start your morning eating rope bagels, the day has no where to go but up!

What do women really want?

A young King was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a  neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by the youthful king’s morals and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long  as he could answer a very difficult question. The young King would have a year to  figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would  be put to death.

The question?….What do women really want?

angrycow.jpgSuch a question would perplex  even the most knowledgeable man, and to the young King , it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

The young King returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but  no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.  But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the  witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her
price first.  The old witch wanted to marry the young King’s most noble knight and the young King’s closest friend!

The young King was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one  tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never  encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life and he refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.   But the knight learning of the proposal, spoke with the young King.  He told his friend that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to his friend’s life and the preservation of the monarchy.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered the young King question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered….is to be in charge of her own  life

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great  truth and that the young King life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted the young King his freedom.  The young King’s best knight and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and the young King’s best knight began steeling himself for a horrific experience.  He hestitantly entered the bedroom, but, was amazed at the sight awaited him. The most  beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed. The astounded knight asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half
the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day….or night?

The young King’s best knight pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show  off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old
witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by  night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments?

The young King’s best knight,  knowing the answer the witch gave the young king to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now….what is the moral to this story?

The moral is….. If you don’t let a woman have her own way….  Things are going to get ugly

Some people REALLY aren’t ready for a web site….

I had a client who apologized for all the "support" he required to get his blog up and running.  He was more than ready to wear the "I’m Stupid" cap…. which, quite honestly, he had not earned the right to wear!  So I shared with him my current GOLD STANDARD for the ultimate in "un-savvy"…. (which sounds much better than "stupid")…

I once had a client for whom I put up a one page web site as a placeholder as we waited for her to find her "direction" for her business.  The web page was her logo with an email contact.

asleepatcomputer.jpgShortly after letting her know her placeholder site was "live", I got an email from her protesting the posting of personal files from her computer to the web site. 

She didn’t WANT everyone on the web to have access to the pictures on her computer.  (Remember, this was a one page web site consisting of her logo and a link with an email address…. there were no links.) 

She later called me an insisted that there was a button on her web site that she could click and see everything on her computer. 

I looked at her site and didn’t see the button to which she referred.  I looked at the CODE to make sure someone hadn’t hacked her site and installed some new script…. nothing in the code.

I was baffled.  The next day, she called to tell me that while she was at work, she went to her web site and was relieved to see that her files from her home computer were no longer visible, however the button revealed the files of her work computer which  were now on display for the entire world wide web to see.

Then it became clear to me what the problem was.  Turns out, she thought that her "start" button on Windows was part of her web site.   When she was at home, she could open her "my documents" file with her browser open and thought that was part of her web site.  The same at work.

What  made this situation TRULY frustrating is I could NEVER convince her of the "reality" of the situation.

Needless to say, her trust in my competence was destroyed and we never got a web site built for her because I had installed such an intrusive application into her web site.

The moral to the story: Some people just aren’t READY for a web site.